whats left now

....why do people go to church?......what exactly does 'serving god' mean?...honestly i just don't get it....why do i go?.....well, i go because i feel it is important to come together and have a day where we can build each other up......i go because i hope i can uplift someone....somehow.....i don't go to get fed.....i really don't.....is that wrong?......no, i don't think so.......because for some reason even though i feel that way......i always seem to 'get fed'......the real 'feeding' takes place when i take my eyes off myself and focus on someone else......there is nothing like really listening to someone.....looking for that moment where you can encourage them....it is so rewarding to see that you've gotten through to someone.....that feeds me....yeah, i like the worship.....and i like the teaching/preaching.....but, for me church is not my 'recharging'......to be honest, sometimes it knocks the wind out of my sails.....only because it can be discouraging to be around some who attend church to 'be fed' and not do any feeding.......am i alone here.....why do we pretend......i hope i don't delete this post.......why is it that the same handful of people do all the work......why is that?......can it be that the others are 'too busy'......just for the record.......everyone is busy......not to mention the fact that if we look at doing god's work as 'another thing on our list of busy things'.......we are missing the point....i'm the first one to admit i'm not where i should be, but what has been frustrating me is the apathy i see in christians in general.......what is the most important thing?.......i just don't know anymore......what i do know is this.....when i share not only stories of what god can do for you with people...but i also share how i struggle and how being a christian doesn't make my life perfect......i get more peoples attention than when i become a so self-centered that i'm 'so heavenly minded that i'm no earthly good'......it's ok to be real.......i know one thing.....when i get to heaven i don't want god to say..."well, done, my complacent, well rested servant.....you know my word backwards and forwards and have committed much of it to memory.....well, done.....and although you didn't GO like i told you to, you certainly mastered the art of fellowship.....i admire how you didn't miss a bible study....even though you missed all those opportunities to share about me out in the real world.........depart from me......i never knew you"