whats left now

.......this is a poem by my daughter emily...........she's her fathers girl......


I am From.....

I am from journals full
Old writing
Home made cards, "Lemlin"
And chaotic kids running

I am from a pile of dirt
Lying next to the broom
Warm, buttered bread
And my brother's ink smelling
Room

I am from "I'll clean up tonight"
Pumpkin pie
And "It'll be alright"

I am from a dirty pond at the end of
The street
"dazzle"
And on the eve of my birthday my
dad and ice cream

I am from a "for sale" sign
A big family tree
And saying goodbye

I am from "I love you"
Caramel apples,
And starting off new

from the words of one of your favorite bands.........i dedicate this to you......

forever is a mountain weve yet to climb
tears are a part of what is yet to leave behind
strength in numbers all you need is two
everyones a winner yet still so many lose
the volume of emotion erupting in our soul
a quiet revelation quickly takes a hold
patience is a virtue but she wont always wait
dissension is the tension its what weve learned to hate....
......yes, now we are finding who we are
cause we can see forever
i know its been said so many times before
i once was blind but now i see
and sometimes it just makes no sense
but i believe yeah
we are finding who we are


......i love you.....

.......don't ever think you know how people will react when you are in crisis.....you will be disappointed......never think you are at your strongest....you aren't.....never think you are at your weakest.....you aren't......i really don't get some verses in scripture that i always thought i understood....they just don't make sense when you seem to prove them wrong.......i'm tired of crying.....my husband loves me more than i thought.....my kids love me more than i thought....i love them more than i thought......church follows more protocol than most businesses i know......what does faith mean?....faithful?.....faithfulness?......not sure anymore......people that really pray have true peace and joy in their lives.......how is it that i really know who is praying for me.......i understand why some people want nothing to do with god or church.....we waste alot of time on stupid stuff............christians wear masks...why can't we just be ourselves.....my children are smarter than alot of adults i know......my children are more forgiving than alot of adults i know........i think my toes brushed rock bottom........why are people christians, really?.......is it a noun or a verb?........there aren't many things we know for sure......but i do know this......the past is the past, you can try to erase things, but it still leaves the paper all fuzzy and grey, i've given the wrong people the pencil at times, sometimes a pen, sometimes a permanent marker.......the future is a book with blank pages, i am chosing carefully who i let use the pen......what doesn't kill you, doesn't make you stronger, but teaches you to have your guard up......i'm done with traditional, convenient, lazy christianity, done, when i decide to pull up my old proverbial bootstraps and say to god "i'm ready again", it won't be like before, it won't be just bootstraps i pull up....i'm putting on the wet suit and diving in.......not wading around in it.................i still really love pretzels, only when i share a bag with dale...........dale makes the best coffee in the world, someday, if you are one of the lucky ones, you'll get to have a cup, while we tell you how happy we are and how far we've come..........