Friday, December 02, 2005
lessons learned in 49 days
.......don't ever think you know how people will react when you are in crisis.....you will be disappointed......never think you are at your strongest....you aren't.....never think you are at your weakest.....you aren't......i really don't get some verses in scripture that i always thought i understood....they just don't make sense when you seem to prove them wrong.......i'm tired of crying.....my husband loves me more than i thought.....my kids love me more than i thought....i love them more than i thought......church follows more protocol than most businesses i know......what does faith mean?....faithful?.....faithfulness?......not sure anymore......people that really pray have true peace and joy in their lives.......how is it that i really know who is praying for me.......i understand why some people want nothing to do with god or church.....we waste alot of time on stupid stuff............christians wear masks...why can't we just be ourselves.....my children are smarter than alot of adults i know......my children are more forgiving than alot of adults i know........i think my toes brushed rock bottom........why are people christians, really?.......is it a noun or a verb?........there aren't many things we know for sure......but i do know this......the past is the past, you can try to erase things, but it still leaves the paper all fuzzy and grey, i've given the wrong people the pencil at times, sometimes a pen, sometimes a permanent marker.......the future is a book with blank pages, i am chosing carefully who i let use the pen......what doesn't kill you, doesn't make you stronger, but teaches you to have your guard up......i'm done with traditional, convenient, lazy christianity, done, when i decide to pull up my old proverbial bootstraps and say to god "i'm ready again", it won't be like before, it won't be just bootstraps i pull up....i'm putting on the wet suit and diving in.......not wading around in it.................i still really love pretzels, only when i share a bag with dale...........dale makes the best coffee in the world, someday, if you are one of the lucky ones, you'll get to have a cup, while we tell you how happy we are and how far we've come..........
// posted by jen @ 1:53 PM 
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i can't wait to hear how happy you are and how far you've come....i've been through alot in my 40 years, never felt so helpless.....the paper starts out fuzzy and grey, but over time the paper seems whiter.....probably old age and poor eye sight....history makes us choose our relationships differently....all a learning process......i love you guys so much.....i'm here..... i make an awful cup of coffee but it's warm.........
# posted by 
: 3:36 AM
: 3:36 AM
Hey Jen,
Has it really only been 49 days? It feels like it's been so much longer than that. I miss your smile, your laugh, your insight. I miss you. You and your family continue in my heart and prayers. Thank you for the blessing that you have been in my life. I pray that the people who are given the privilege of building memories into your future realize the preciousness of the gift that they have been given. I love you, Linette
Has it really only been 49 days? It feels like it's been so much longer than that. I miss your smile, your laugh, your insight. I miss you. You and your family continue in my heart and prayers. Thank you for the blessing that you have been in my life. I pray that the people who are given the privilege of building memories into your future realize the preciousness of the gift that they have been given. I love you, Linette
# posted by : 7:01 AM
: 7:01 AM
Jen-
I don't like coffee but I am glad that it has brought you joy. Things seem to come crashing down and when we need what we thought we could lean on the most it often feels like its not there the way we wanted, hoped, or expected for it to be there. I am greatful for you, I have learned so much in your strength. But I am even more greatful that in this time you have 5 other people so close to you that love you so much more than you thought. You are blessed with Dale, Dale III, Em, Gwen and Aud. Just a little note of encouragement... sometimes the source of the strength and the courage is not what or where you expected it to come from but it seems to be there when you need it the most. Its like a game, you play it and you're playing to win (b/c no one plays to loose) and suddenly your down and you feel like there is no way to win, but then your adreniline kicks in and your will to win over takes your dispare. I know you're hurt and that your pain is real... I hate phrasitical christians as well... but sometimes there is more to people then we allow ourselves to see. Jen I am sorry if I ever was that type of Christian/ person in your life. I just want you to know that you and your family are special to me and I hope for the best for you.
-Kat
I don't like coffee but I am glad that it has brought you joy. Things seem to come crashing down and when we need what we thought we could lean on the most it often feels like its not there the way we wanted, hoped, or expected for it to be there. I am greatful for you, I have learned so much in your strength. But I am even more greatful that in this time you have 5 other people so close to you that love you so much more than you thought. You are blessed with Dale, Dale III, Em, Gwen and Aud. Just a little note of encouragement... sometimes the source of the strength and the courage is not what or where you expected it to come from but it seems to be there when you need it the most. Its like a game, you play it and you're playing to win (b/c no one plays to loose) and suddenly your down and you feel like there is no way to win, but then your adreniline kicks in and your will to win over takes your dispare. I know you're hurt and that your pain is real... I hate phrasitical christians as well... but sometimes there is more to people then we allow ourselves to see. Jen I am sorry if I ever was that type of Christian/ person in your life. I just want you to know that you and your family are special to me and I hope for the best for you.
-Kat
Hi Jenn,
Miss being with you. I hope that when the dust settles you will know that your friends are here for you.
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Miss being with you. I hope that when the dust settles you will know that your friends are here for you.
# posted by : 3:22 PM
: 3:22 PM << Home
