whats left now

....so i was talking to a woman today.....she doesn't go to church.......we got to talking and she asked some generic questions about my church.....then she asked...."about how many of your parishoners are practicing christians?".....i laughed and she looked at me funny.....she was serious.....practicing christians...as if to imply that there would be some that weren't?......so in my pause...she felt obligated to explain......"you know, those who actually do what they believe, you know, not just on sunday."......honestly, i did not know what to say........do i practice what i believe?.........what should we be "practicing"?

.........i was cleaning gwen's room one day and picked up her glass doll.......it was completely broken....except for the head......funny thing was.........you couldn't tell......the dress held in all the broken pieces and she looked fine.......all held together by a beautiful dress......i wouldn't have even known had i not picked it up off of the floor........where it had been since it had fallen........isn't it amazing how that dress held all the pieces together.........funny how we don't notice some things are broken until we actually have contact with them.........

.....do you ever wonder how many times in a day god must sigh and roll his eyes at us?....i know just being a parent that i get exasperatd OFTEN, and yet god in his perfectness must get so disgusted at our repeated offenses....not just the things we do, but the things we don't do.... .......................deleted the rest......lol

.....ok, that was all way too deep.....it's still me........i need a brain break....remember that post i had??...i'm just venting......

.......so what makes you happy....i don't want any philosophical answers please....


.....for me..(in no particular order).....i love to laugh.....i love getting cards from my sister......i love haagen daas ice cream.....i love twizzlers and cordial cherries.....i love watching a good old movie with emily......i love when dale makes me laugh.....i love to watch audrey and gwen play together.....i love to see little kids flock around my son......i love pizza, even frozen.....i love having a really good friend who listens to everything and doesn't judge me.....i love autumn......i love 80's music....i love my grandma......i guess that's enough for now.......

.....ok....i just read my post.....i don't have a problem with fellowship.....bible studies.....or scripture memorization.....i'm trying to ward off attacks......

.....i just think some people put way too much emphasis and energy into them....in a way it's a little selfish....honestly i miss bible study.....we used to host it at our house.....i miss the study....i miss the fellowship (what a corny word, let's 'ship with the fellows?....)...anyway......it's just.....well, do i need to clarify?......it's the priority.....it's the balance.....i think it can be a cop-out for us....."i'm not in a good place, i just need to focus on god for myself"......blah blah blah......i went through depression, i've been through alot of crap in my life and still tend to struggle in areas....but i know the only way 'out' is by serving others.....serving myself just feeds into to the 'woe is me' syndrome....i like what i heard a friend/pastor say once.....he said 'if every bible was wiped off the face of the earth, we'd still have enough knowledge in us to push us on to do what god expects of us'....i'm not advocating that we stop reading our bibles, but it's not all about that....it's almost like getting a box of your favorite chocolates (i'm a girl, guys make it a video game).....and you are with a group of your friends......you have this giant box of chocolates.......you open it up......pull out the nutritional information and read it over and over and over to your friends.....you quote it to your neighbors.....you copy it down and memorize it....you are amazing at it......people marvel......but the actual chocolates sit and rot......because you are selfish? i don't know, you finish the analogy......oh well.....this has been quite a rant for the night.......who knows it may get deleted......lol

....why do people go to church?......what exactly does 'serving god' mean?...honestly i just don't get it....why do i go?.....well, i go because i feel it is important to come together and have a day where we can build each other up......i go because i hope i can uplift someone....somehow.....i don't go to get fed.....i really don't.....is that wrong?......no, i don't think so.......because for some reason even though i feel that way......i always seem to 'get fed'......the real 'feeding' takes place when i take my eyes off myself and focus on someone else......there is nothing like really listening to someone.....looking for that moment where you can encourage them....it is so rewarding to see that you've gotten through to someone.....that feeds me....yeah, i like the worship.....and i like the teaching/preaching.....but, for me church is not my 'recharging'......to be honest, sometimes it knocks the wind out of my sails.....only because it can be discouraging to be around some who attend church to 'be fed' and not do any feeding.......am i alone here.....why do we pretend......i hope i don't delete this post.......why is it that the same handful of people do all the work......why is that?......can it be that the others are 'too busy'......just for the record.......everyone is busy......not to mention the fact that if we look at doing god's work as 'another thing on our list of busy things'.......we are missing the point....i'm the first one to admit i'm not where i should be, but what has been frustrating me is the apathy i see in christians in general.......what is the most important thing?.......i just don't know anymore......what i do know is this.....when i share not only stories of what god can do for you with people...but i also share how i struggle and how being a christian doesn't make my life perfect......i get more peoples attention than when i become a so self-centered that i'm 'so heavenly minded that i'm no earthly good'......it's ok to be real.......i know one thing.....when i get to heaven i don't want god to say..."well, done, my complacent, well rested servant.....you know my word backwards and forwards and have committed much of it to memory.....well, done.....and although you didn't GO like i told you to, you certainly mastered the art of fellowship.....i admire how you didn't miss a bible study....even though you missed all those opportunities to share about me out in the real world.........depart from me......i never knew you"

....if i could market real belly laughter...i would be rich...there is nothing like laughing so hard it makes you cry....takes away your stress for a while....and brings people together like nothing else.....but why is it that when you try to relate what was hysterical at the time to someone who wasn't there, it just doesn't come across the same??

.....so i won't even try....but there are those who will understand the depth of humor when they remember....the woolly mammoth caterpillar......oh, don't look it up....it doesn't exist....