Monday, November 07, 2005
.....pretzels ARE good.....
a true ramble...what its like in my head...how do you shut off the thought process...?...i want to...how do you stop thinking about the huge pink elephant?.........do you ever feel really small?.....do you ever feel like a child, asking god a question, and he keeps saying, 'yeah, just one minute?......how about finding yourself in the middle of a crisis.....like never before.....and you truly feel like you have to start over........not so much like everything is wiped clean and you have a 'clean slate', but more like one of those dry erase boards.....that someone used permanent marker on....and you are trying to get it off.....with a cheap tissue......have you ever felt every emotion at the same time.........cliches are really stupid sometimes.....'what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger'......well i'm not dead and i feel weaker than ever........its weird to be so stressed that the 'normal' things of life seem a waste of time..........i asked dale to give me a lobotomy this week.....he said no................its really amazing to fly over miles and miles of farmland....it made me think of an analogy.....i actually get tired of looking at life through analogies but, whatever........from up in the air the acres and acres of farms reminded me of a quilt.....all i saw was all these cool patterns and colors, it was really beautiful....it made me think of how different it is close up.....if i drove down any one of those roads all i would notice was ordinary little farm houses and barns.......just the little things.....it struck me that even the farmers don't get to appreciate all their work.....in seconds i flew over hundreds of hours of hard work......ok......the analogy?....make up your own........the other day dale & i were sitting around....deciding what mind-numbing activity we could embark on......chose ...a movie..............i got up and got a bowl of pretzels....i walked into the living room and said 'i like to snack on pretzels'.........dale said 'pretzels are good'.....it made us laugh for about 10 minutes....................................crisis does weird things to you..........
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
.......weeds in my heart....
i'm not a gardener, but can fully understand the concept........plant...feed...grow....pretty common concept.........
i was daydreaming the other day.....about a garden.......overgrown......ugly.......dry......rotting fruit everywhere......it was overwhelming to see.....even in my mind.....i wanted to see life...but all i saw was death.....so i imagined walking in to the garden, taking a rake, hoe, or whatever gardeners use, and just started ripping it apart, it was actually a bit violent as i pictured it....just tearing it up....dirt flying everywhere.....sticks.....dried up fruit and flowers......it was a mess.....then a gardener showed up......and gently took the tools away from me........i asked him to help me get rid of all the junk.......all the dead stuff....all the rotting stuff.......he said........'oh........no.......we're gonna USE all of
that......it'll make some great soil'......so my overgrown, ugly, dry, rotting garden is being painfully churned up........it'll take a while.......it'll take help........but i can't wait to see what the gardener plants in there.......
.
i was daydreaming the other day.....about a garden.......overgrown......ugly.......dry......rotting fruit everywhere......it was overwhelming to see.....even in my mind.....i wanted to see life...but all i saw was death.....so i imagined walking in to the garden, taking a rake, hoe, or whatever gardeners use, and just started ripping it apart, it was actually a bit violent as i pictured it....just tearing it up....dirt flying everywhere.....sticks.....dried up fruit and flowers......it was a mess.....then a gardener showed up......and gently took the tools away from me........i asked him to help me get rid of all the junk.......all the dead stuff....all the rotting stuff.......he said........'oh........no.......we're gonna USE all of
that......it'll make some great soil'......so my overgrown, ugly, dry, rotting garden is being painfully churned up........it'll take a while.......it'll take help........but i can't wait to see what the gardener plants in there.......
.
